February 2011
2 tags
I hate the people that talk to you just because...
thecrazyfilipino:
Then they kiss up to you and act all nice, but it’s all because they want something from you or you have something that they can benefit off of.
1 tag
Occupation.
I don’t know know what I want to be when I grow up. I just know I love to create and design things. I love food. I love getting attention and entertaining people. If I become a graphic artist, a cook/baker, famous, my parents will be gravely disappointed in me. “It doesn’t matter what they think, you should do what you want to do!” I don’t want to disappoint them, so...
3 tags
Forget about me.
People always forget about me. They don’t remember whether I was there or not. They don’t remember if they told me this or that. Has it ever occurred to anyone that it’s a sucky feeling when someone says, “Where you there?” Or they tell you a story about a funny event when you were there. And then you tell them that you were there, and they just laugh it off like,...
“Maybe you can save me from this crazy world we live in.”
– We Could Happen - AJ Rafael (via xjennnnay)
2 tags
I don't want to settle.
But then I always feel selfish for wanting the best. Even if it’s a natural human desire, I still feel super selfish so I just live with what I get.
2 tags
“Don’t say anything you will be ashamed of.”
– I’m tired of people complaining about how they found out this person heard them say this about this. Does it matter? These are the same people who always talk about, “If you have something to say, be upfront about it.” Why should other people be upfront about it when you’re...
2 tags
Day 4 of Process Recovery.
Let’s just say this process isn’t going very well.
Today.
I’m very tired today. Very irritable too. I felt like I would collapse any second during the day. I couldn’t even read properly without having to reread a sentence five times because I was getting dizzy. And people were just on top of their toes and made me irritated. I had a bad day today and it doesn’t seem like anyone noticed until I start complaining.
January 2011
1 tag
“Just as long as I love her, it will be okay.”
1 tag
If anyone cares to know,
I cry ever single day. There is not a day without the thought of, because of my lack of a better description, not being good enough. I wouldn’t mind if anyone bought me a box of tissues for Valentine’s Day. I really like the ones with lotion on them, those are super soft. Just don’t get me the ones that are really rough and cheap because they make my skin irritated.
1 tag
Stop it.
Stop acting like you care. Stop acting like you love me. You only want me around for company. You don’t see me for who I am. You don’t see the things I want. When was the last time you saw me crying? Oh right, when I was four years old and you told me you didn’t love me anymore. Well you don’t see me for who I am anyways. You don’t see the things I want, the things I...
2 tags
Day 3 of Process Recovery.
This whole weekend I felt like I was worth nothing. You made me feel like nothing. You made feel like I couldn’t do anything correctly and you made me feel like I’m undeserving. You made me angry because I don’t know what you want. I’m upset with myself even more because I’m being the person that I don’t want to be. I’m glad that I had a friend beside me...
1 tag
I'm never happy.
I don’t want to have to tell you what I want and then get it. I just want you to know, naturally. Getting what I say I want is not what I want. What I want is for someone to figure it out. Try to understand me without me having to tell you everything spot on. There’s no fun in it if I have to tell you the rules in a game. That’s a terrible metaphor, but still. I prefer me getting...
2 tags
Humiliation.
I tend to hold myself together because I’m scared of being made fun of. I’m scared of being embarrassed or something. So I always have to contain myself and be “proper” just so I could seem like I don’t make mistakes. And when I finally do make mistakes, it’s even more humiliating because I set myself up so that I can seem like I don’t make mistakes. And...
2 tags
wreeva asked: LOL, sorry. I forgot you changed your URL (x
1 tag
This is me,
I’m always trying to tell people how I feel. But in the end I just end up trying to change the subject and hide from everything. I know my friends want to listen to what I’m going through, but they also know that they won’t be able to cheer me up. I’m a stubborn idiot.
So naturally,
I have a dream about getting a lot of presents on Valentine’s Day surrounded with SHINee. Okay.
1 tag
I don't like to sleep anymore.
Because every time I actually finally fall asleep, I have sweet dreams about all the things I love. All the people I love loving me back. I always have these dreams that make me feel so uplifted and happy. But then I wake up and then I have high hopes for the day. But by the end of the day, I don’t know why I felt that way in the beginning. I’m left with a life full of disappointment....
I'll be honest.
lilytrang:
I don’t have a lot of friends. I really don’t. People usually assume that I do, but I don’t. I have friends here and there, but they don’t really stick around. Most are just people I see on the daily and say hello to. I never really had the chance to meet them more than half way. I don’t have a lot of people to rely on as I’ve been growing up. People come and go. Drift and fade....
1 tag
My bottle.
It’s funny because it almost seems like I put everything I think out there. I try to express myself as much as I can through this blog, but I just can’t. I have so many other thoughts going through my head but I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t know. Maybe I’ll start crying again. But it’s amazing because here I am talking about someone else’s...
1 tag
A moment of weakness.
I’m not good enough. I was never good enough for you was I? All of it was worth nothing. Everything I did, it didn’t matter.
1 tag
I'm so fucking tired of you.
Every day you act like we’re close. I’m happy that I can talk to you and I’m happy that we aren’t as distant as other siblings. But I’m so tired how you always act “cool” or different around other people and you don’t even take other people into consideration. You think your joking is funny? It’s really not. Just stop because you’re being...
3 tags
Day 2 of Process Recovery.
Yes, I named my attempt to undo my depression Process Recovery. Anyways, I still feel like I’m not good at anything. I don’t feel like I’m necessarily a bad person anymore though. I keep telling myself it’s natural to want things and it’s natural to do things that benefit only myself. But I still think I’m considerably selfish. I still feel like I’m...
2 tags
How awesome.
When I’m feeling a little positivity, everyone on my dashboard is feeling differently. This always happens. Sigh, I’m so tired.
jennnnykins asked: I will answer to your long letter later, LOL. I'm lazy, that's why I never answer, but I swear I will.
You're looking pretty Asian-y/Korean-y in your icon. That's cool.
You're looking pretty Asian-y/Korean-y in your icon. That's cool.
1 tag
I feel a little better today.
I don’t know why, but I do. My thoughts haven’t changed about myself, but it’s nice hearing that I’m not a bad person in other people’s eyes.
isabelsaywhaat replied to your post: New icon~
FOREVER ALONE BOYFRIENNND WHY YOU SO CUTE?!
Genetics babe <3
New icon~
My sad attempt to be an ulzzang. Lulz, I’m cute though so it doesn’t matter.
-jenniferdo -> soupaman
URL Change. Theme is diff. too.
isabellybuttonn asked: LOLOL, grind.
1 tag
Follow Friday!
I’ll just put up 110128’s Tumblr crushes. My Tumblr crushes change on a daily basis, probably because I don’t go on here a lot.
http://prettycolors.tumblr.com/
http://xjennnnay.tumblr.com/
http://suuelovesyou.tumblr.com/
http://uncreativetumblrurl.tumblr.com/
http://isabelsaywhaat.tumblr.com/
http://heyrainbows.tumblr.com/
http://tinydolls.tumblr.com/
...
2 tags
110128
So today I woke up feeling extra tired because I fell asleep at around 3:30 AM. I got up at 6:45 to use the bathroom and went back to bed until 7:15. Then I got ready and wrote myself a message: “No matter how bad I am feeling, I will never, EVER, resort to drugs or suicide. I will fight for my happiness.” Then I left to school.
In first period, I was kinda late I guess. Then I...
1 tag
It's kinda a downer when people tell you how much...
1 tag
Right now,
I can hardly believe I said those words. But man, I was awesome back then. What happened?
Do not believe in insults.
-jenniferdo:
Because when you do, you’re just digging yourself a hole. If you begin to believe in insults, you’ll begin to live by those insults. You’ll become unhappy and become pessimistic. Bringing everything down, killing the mood, and just becoming depressed. You’ll begin to believe that no one likes you, no one needs you, no one wants you. Well there are people who like you, people who...
You can do anything you wish.
-jenniferdo:
Do you want it? Go get it. Don’t let anything stop you from pursuing what you want. Whether it’s something bad, something good. All it comes down to is do you want it? How bad do you want it? Addiction isn’t good, so you just have to put a bottom line down. What are the consequences? Am I willing to take the risk? “You’ll regret what you haven’t done more than what you have done.”...
Insults.
-jenniferdo:
Insults are my motivation. I just love the feeling when I prove someone wrong. If someone tells me I can’t do something, I end up doing it. And rubbing in their fugly face. ‘Cause downers are bitches and I’m tired of people looking down on me just ‘cause I’m short.
Perfect.
-jenniferdo:
People shouldn’t be so down because no one is perfect. And people shouldn’t say that they aren’t perfect. Just ‘cause “perfect” is an opinion. And people have many different opinions all around the world You are perfect in someone’s eyes.
Sometimes;
-jenniferdo:
All you gotta do is be optimistic. See yourself through someone else’s eyes. you’re always getting these compliments and yet, you’re not happy. You’re wondering, why can’t I see the things those people see? Why can’t I ignore my own faults? I’m telling you to use perspective. See what I see. If you do, you’ll see that you’re beautiful. You’re not fat, you’re not skinny, you’re not...
1 tag
Jennifer Do.: xjennnnay replied to your post: I’m... →
xjennnnay:
I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember why I had such good self-esteem. I don’t know where it all went. Am I really that smart? Am I really that funny? How can I tell myself that everything is not a lie when deep down, I’ll just feel like I’m lying to myself again. There are only sad thoughts banging around my head. Sad, familiar thoughts. There are some fears that I’m not...
jennnnykins asked: Good night.
2 tags
Disappointment.
Is it hurting you that I’m hurting? Are you disappointed in me that I’m not as confident and happy as I once was? Are you sorry that I can’t bring myself to apply your words to help myself? Are you feeling helpless because I’m sitting here and only thinking of the one thing you don’t want me to think about? Are these questions taunting you, making you hope that you...